Never forgotten

"So in my life I have had people leave me, stop talking to me, and just completely shut me out of there life. I want to say to them thank you! You see I have learned that sometimes God takes people out of your life so that you can spend more time with him rather, turning to people for help, relationship, and love! So I will no longer let people not talking to me bother me! The more of God that is in my life the more I can be effective when he brings those people he wants in my life."

I don't know where I got this from (blog, article, photo, or a quote), but it shares a lot about the biggest lesson that God has shown me this past year. I know the year isn't over, but I've just been reflecting a lot on it. Almost exactly a year ago, I came back from being in Korea for 6 months and then before that doing my LiNK internship for 4 months. The spring before that I was in Ecuador for 3 months studying abroad. You get the point....I was gone a lot. I was in and out of my home, and I was living a true nomadic lifestyle. I met people left and right through my adventures, where some I became very close too and others are always going to be cherished in my memories. I never thought of what it was going to be like when I finally came home because I really wanted to live and work abroad. And I was almost going to (explained in another blog entry), but God stopped me in my tracks and showed me that I was meant to stay in Chicago. 

But when I came back and finally believing that I was staying, the hardest thing to swallow was feeling so lost. You know when you are gone for long periods of time whether its going off to college, studying abroad, or moving somewhere else, you have this picture in your mind of what things were like before you left. In your head, you expect to go back to exactly how you left it. Well, for me, that was not the case. People moved on, new stores popped up, little babies were now toddlers, and etc. Yes, I could have made more of an effort while I was away to keep in touch with people back home, and I could have.....There are only so many things "I could have done"; I've learned. 

I felt SO alone. I not only had no idea what direction I was supposed to be heading with my life, but I felt like I had no support around me. Things were not the way I imagined, and people did not understand. I had a hunger for community, but didn't have a church to call home. I wanted my friends, but they were busy with real jobs or being a student. I wanted....I wanted....I wanted....just someone, just something. 

But I looked in all the wrong places.  I wish I could tell you how well I handled that season in my life and that things transitioned so smoothly, but they weren't. The hardest time this year was trying to go through a place of complete loneliness and feeling like such a failure because I forgot that I was never alone. The seat was always filled next to me. During the times of crying out of confusion and doubt, He was always there. I forgot. But I learned the biggest lesson; that He never leaves our side no matter what circumstance. He is always there for us and loving us. He is our biggest fan and shoulder to cry on. That's the lesson I learned this year. I was consumed by people leaving or shutting me out of their life when I was back. I let it define who I was. I thought the friends I had or the relationships I had made me who I was, but He completely took away those thoughts to remind me of the biggest thing I was forgetting that He makes me who I am. He will always be there. Thank you.